May Day holiday: Far from the madding crowd.
- By R.A.J. (guest)
- Published 29th April, 2008
It is that time of the
year again and a public holiday decreed specifically for the workers will be
hijacked by a bunch of megalomaniacs on their annual crusade to use us as
evidence of their popularity. The absurd ritual will be annoying us again on
Thursday, and we are expected to act like lambs to the slaughterhouse and to
meekly follow our so called leaders to places that they have specially selected
in order to bombard us with trite, inane slogans whose
stupidity is always enhanced by constant repetition. This is what we can look
forward to on the First of May: a seemingly never ending cacophony of
dissembling slogans by various politicians that are bound to discombobulate even
the hardiest of souls and which basically fall into two
categories:
1/ Get seki zot ti fer: this will be a list by ministers of the failings of the last government and why we should therefore continue to support the current lot in power. The list will inevitably include the number of advisers employed by the last government (although it is highly debatable whether those appointed by the current government have shown any more intelligence or efficiency), Illovo (whilst doing absolutely nothing to redress the abuses alleged in that deal), the economy under the control of five families (or is it six? I can't remember as the numbers keep changing depending on the mood of the government), the last government's waste and frittering of public money (although nobody can see much difference between the criminal prodigality of the last government and this one), and promises apparently straight from the heart that this government, unlike the previous one, will always look after the ti dimounes.
Of course, the speeches will get very boring unless some humour is injected at regular intervals; so, as if on cue, speakers will all reserve a section of their oratorical masterpieces to the one topic that never fails to raise a laugh: democratisation of the economy. Naturally, nobody will mention the rather embarrassing fact that so far democratisation has resulted in an astronomical gap between rich and poor; the poor have had to contend with the removal of subsidies that cost a fraction of the money identified as waste by successive Audit reports and with food prices rising over ten times the official inflation rate, whilst the rich can now buy luxury cars at knock down prices due to the huge amounts of money the government has kindly given them through the hefty reduction in customs duty, income tax, and corporation tax. Democratisation apparently means that if the rich are happy and condescend enough to smile at those left behind, poor people will somehow be inspired to follow in their footsteps and will work hard in order to become wealthy too….and then we can all live happily ever after in La-La Land!
2/ Get seki zot pe fer: We are really spoilt for choice here as we have two groups vying with each other for the accolade of true defenders of 'le pep'; but it does not really matter which one you unfortunately find yourself listening to as the slogans will come pouring down with relentless banality and similarity. Yes, we will all hear about the golden years 2000-2005 when Paradise Island was apparently awash with milk and honey and was run by a superb team of hard working individuals with the sole, self-effacing ambition of servi nou pei; speakers will try to outdo each other in the hyperbole stakes by using lurid language to describe how this gouvernman dominer p craze ti dimounes, couma masks p tonber, pa pou capav bar nou prochain elections, ene tsunami p lever, Rama Sithanen zom FMI/la Banque Mondiale (whilst conveniently forgetting that Steve Obeegadoo, the one minister of true distinction in the last government, is currently working for the World Bank…). Berenger and Pravind Jugnauth will compete with each other regarding the most doom laden speech that they can give and the air will be rancid with tales of the riots when Ramgoolam was last in power and how they fear that all it needs is a little spark to set the whole country on fire. Jeetah, Gowressoo, Tang, Bappoo, Seebun, Gokhool, Dullul, Sinatambou, Faugoo, and Bachoo will get the good kicking they deserve for being useless, rather embarrassing ministers.
But the most scornful terms of opprobrium will be reserved for Ramgoolam presiding over a government that is apparently wholly responsible for the calamitous increase in food and oil prices; not one word will be used to highlight the fact that this is a world wide phenomenon and that a country that remains shamefully a net importer of food after forty years of independence simply has no means whatsoever to prevent the increase in prices dictated by world market conditions. No one will condemn the environmental hooliganism brought about by our fetishist obsession with the motor car, and instead we will be treated to the shameful demagogy of condemning the price of petrol in a country that still sells it far cheaper than any other non oil producing country. Berenger is bound to mention the Porsche cars being sold at Rs 14 millions whilst conveniently forgetting that this was exactly the amount of money he took from us for the purchase of the Prime Ministerial limousine. The others will talk about the terrible plight of the poor and in the next breath will
bribe the middle classes with an extension
of the obscenity that does not exist anywhere else in the world: duty free cars.
If crocodile tears were valuable, we would make an absolute fortune on May Day
from the oceans that will be shed on behalf of the poor. We will be assailed by
a very selective morality that relies exclusively on meaningless slogans about
poverty, but which is never deployed when answering questions about the
unexplained wealth of many politicians, or whether the vast amount of money
spent by all political parties has been provided by drug barons operating with
seemingly complete impunity.
And pride of place will rightly go to the proper denunciation of the absolute fortunes wasted by the Government on missions, extortionate salaries and expenses for relatives, failed politicians, and friends, and the appointment of absolute nincompoops to positions of authority in para statal organisations supposedly designed to serve the public. But you will not hear any of the opposition politicians making the one pledge that would really matter to us: the specific details of what they intend to do to tackle the criminal waste of our money and resources by successive governments. Will they, for example, ensure that only missions that bring a tangible benefit to this country will be authorised out of public funds? Will they insist on all per diem allowances to beallocated strictly when genuine receipts are provided? Will they allow the police commissioner to at last independently run the police force and to deploy his officers primarily to fight crime, or will they too use a police force paid out of public funds as an unofficial resource for personal bodyguards in an attempt to emulate Papa Doc Duvalier's desecration of democracy? Will they say exactly what they will do to stop the gratuitous and self serving profanation of appointment and promotion procedures in the public sector, or will they too tolerate the abuse of public resources for personal ends? Will they adopt the policy of Evo Morales in Bolivia and legislate that nobody in the public sector, including the para statal organisations, should get a higher monthly salary than the President of the Republic? Talking about our President, can anyone justify his salary of over Rs 150,000 per month tax free, (plus his old age state pension, plus his gilt edged pension as an ex parliamentarian, plus the interest on the Rs 47 millions that our courts kindly gave him on our behalf, etc) when we already pay for everything that he needs on a daily basis? Perhaps someone could explain the morality of that pay compared to the Rs 3,000 per month that thousands of workers receive…Moralite pa renpli ventre?Ala la!
It would be nice if we could get some answers to these perennial questions but it would be easier to win the lottery than to expect honesty and integrity from those constantly badgering us for our votes.
So, what should we do instead on May Day? I hope you will find the following suggestions helpful:
1/ Attend all three political meetings, but only at the time when food is served. Take the biryanis, cakes, and drinks on offer, tell the coler lafis serving you that of course you will vote for his party at the next elections.
Shout Navin mari Berenger or Paul mari Ramgoolamdepending on whether you are at Vacoas or Rose Hill.
2/ At Port Louis, shout Pravind mari tou le de as they both tend to ignore young Jugnauth despite his absolute belief that the Prime Minister's post is his by right irrespective of his level of popular support compared to the other two.
3/ Leave as soon as your bags are full and tell the coler lafis that you are going to get some more supporters and that you will return straightaway.
4/ Instead, take the whole family to the seaside and enjoy the natural beauty of Paradise Island whilst scoffing the food made by these idiots.
5/ Take a walk on the beach and play the game of 'who owns this particular portion of state land and how did he get it' every time you walk past a private bungalow and the occupiers look at you sneeringly.
6/ Talk gibberish and stare like a madman every time the occupier of state land tells you that the beach in front of his bungalow is his property. Rich people are always scared of losing their ill gotten gains and he will probably think that you are a longanis.
7/ Don't worry about your behaviour in 6/ above as you are only doing your bit to redistribute the wealth of this country and to encourage enterprise; you see, the worried owner of said bungalow will consult another conman like him, otherwise known as a treter, and will spend a fortune on trying to ward off the spell that he thinks your mad, staring eyes have cast on his good fortune.
8/ Return home after enjoying a wonderful day at the seaside at the expense of the politicians foolish enough to think that they can buy your vote and allegiance with a pathetic plate of biryani. You may even cadge a lift home from one of the many buses laid on freely by them.
9/ Sit in front of your computer and email nasty letters of complaint to the three parties who have disrupted a quiet, peaceful day of celebration of the workers' efforts. Tell them that you are disgusted with the amount of noise that they made, the traffic jams that they caused, and the amount of litter, left over biryanis and cheap cakes left on the beach. Hopefully, all their websites will crash from the volume of complaints and we may enjoy a few days of peace and quiet without having to endure their miserable attempts to convince us that they are better than the other lot.
10/ Lie down in a darkened room and pray hard that the Gods these people regularly invoke will shine a bright light on Paradise Island by removing forever all the idiots clamouring to servi nou pei in order to feather their own nests.
R.A.J.
Email: servipei@yahoo.com
1/ Get seki zot ti fer: this will be a list by ministers of the failings of the last government and why we should therefore continue to support the current lot in power. The list will inevitably include the number of advisers employed by the last government (although it is highly debatable whether those appointed by the current government have shown any more intelligence or efficiency), Illovo (whilst doing absolutely nothing to redress the abuses alleged in that deal), the economy under the control of five families (or is it six? I can't remember as the numbers keep changing depending on the mood of the government), the last government's waste and frittering of public money (although nobody can see much difference between the criminal prodigality of the last government and this one), and promises apparently straight from the heart that this government, unlike the previous one, will always look after the ti dimounes.
Of course, the speeches will get very boring unless some humour is injected at regular intervals; so, as if on cue, speakers will all reserve a section of their oratorical masterpieces to the one topic that never fails to raise a laugh: democratisation of the economy. Naturally, nobody will mention the rather embarrassing fact that so far democratisation has resulted in an astronomical gap between rich and poor; the poor have had to contend with the removal of subsidies that cost a fraction of the money identified as waste by successive Audit reports and with food prices rising over ten times the official inflation rate, whilst the rich can now buy luxury cars at knock down prices due to the huge amounts of money the government has kindly given them through the hefty reduction in customs duty, income tax, and corporation tax. Democratisation apparently means that if the rich are happy and condescend enough to smile at those left behind, poor people will somehow be inspired to follow in their footsteps and will work hard in order to become wealthy too….and then we can all live happily ever after in La-La Land!
2/ Get seki zot pe fer: We are really spoilt for choice here as we have two groups vying with each other for the accolade of true defenders of 'le pep'; but it does not really matter which one you unfortunately find yourself listening to as the slogans will come pouring down with relentless banality and similarity. Yes, we will all hear about the golden years 2000-2005 when Paradise Island was apparently awash with milk and honey and was run by a superb team of hard working individuals with the sole, self-effacing ambition of servi nou pei; speakers will try to outdo each other in the hyperbole stakes by using lurid language to describe how this gouvernman dominer p craze ti dimounes, couma masks p tonber, pa pou capav bar nou prochain elections, ene tsunami p lever, Rama Sithanen zom FMI/la Banque Mondiale (whilst conveniently forgetting that Steve Obeegadoo, the one minister of true distinction in the last government, is currently working for the World Bank…). Berenger and Pravind Jugnauth will compete with each other regarding the most doom laden speech that they can give and the air will be rancid with tales of the riots when Ramgoolam was last in power and how they fear that all it needs is a little spark to set the whole country on fire. Jeetah, Gowressoo, Tang, Bappoo, Seebun, Gokhool, Dullul, Sinatambou, Faugoo, and Bachoo will get the good kicking they deserve for being useless, rather embarrassing ministers.
But the most scornful terms of opprobrium will be reserved for Ramgoolam presiding over a government that is apparently wholly responsible for the calamitous increase in food and oil prices; not one word will be used to highlight the fact that this is a world wide phenomenon and that a country that remains shamefully a net importer of food after forty years of independence simply has no means whatsoever to prevent the increase in prices dictated by world market conditions. No one will condemn the environmental hooliganism brought about by our fetishist obsession with the motor car, and instead we will be treated to the shameful demagogy of condemning the price of petrol in a country that still sells it far cheaper than any other non oil producing country. Berenger is bound to mention the Porsche cars being sold at Rs 14 millions whilst conveniently forgetting that this was exactly the amount of money he took from us for the purchase of the Prime Ministerial limousine. The others will talk about the terrible plight of the poor and in the next breath will
And pride of place will rightly go to the proper denunciation of the absolute fortunes wasted by the Government on missions, extortionate salaries and expenses for relatives, failed politicians, and friends, and the appointment of absolute nincompoops to positions of authority in para statal organisations supposedly designed to serve the public. But you will not hear any of the opposition politicians making the one pledge that would really matter to us: the specific details of what they intend to do to tackle the criminal waste of our money and resources by successive governments. Will they, for example, ensure that only missions that bring a tangible benefit to this country will be authorised out of public funds? Will they insist on all per diem allowances to beallocated strictly when genuine receipts are provided? Will they allow the police commissioner to at last independently run the police force and to deploy his officers primarily to fight crime, or will they too use a police force paid out of public funds as an unofficial resource for personal bodyguards in an attempt to emulate Papa Doc Duvalier's desecration of democracy? Will they say exactly what they will do to stop the gratuitous and self serving profanation of appointment and promotion procedures in the public sector, or will they too tolerate the abuse of public resources for personal ends? Will they adopt the policy of Evo Morales in Bolivia and legislate that nobody in the public sector, including the para statal organisations, should get a higher monthly salary than the President of the Republic? Talking about our President, can anyone justify his salary of over Rs 150,000 per month tax free, (plus his old age state pension, plus his gilt edged pension as an ex parliamentarian, plus the interest on the Rs 47 millions that our courts kindly gave him on our behalf, etc) when we already pay for everything that he needs on a daily basis? Perhaps someone could explain the morality of that pay compared to the Rs 3,000 per month that thousands of workers receive…Moralite pa renpli ventre?Ala la!
It would be nice if we could get some answers to these perennial questions but it would be easier to win the lottery than to expect honesty and integrity from those constantly badgering us for our votes.
So, what should we do instead on May Day? I hope you will find the following suggestions helpful:
1/ Attend all three political meetings, but only at the time when food is served. Take the biryanis, cakes, and drinks on offer, tell the coler lafis serving you that of course you will vote for his party at the next elections.
Shout Navin mari Berenger or Paul mari Ramgoolamdepending on whether you are at Vacoas or Rose Hill.
2/ At Port Louis, shout Pravind mari tou le de as they both tend to ignore young Jugnauth despite his absolute belief that the Prime Minister's post is his by right irrespective of his level of popular support compared to the other two.
3/ Leave as soon as your bags are full and tell the coler lafis that you are going to get some more supporters and that you will return straightaway.
4/ Instead, take the whole family to the seaside and enjoy the natural beauty of Paradise Island whilst scoffing the food made by these idiots.
5/ Take a walk on the beach and play the game of 'who owns this particular portion of state land and how did he get it' every time you walk past a private bungalow and the occupiers look at you sneeringly.
6/ Talk gibberish and stare like a madman every time the occupier of state land tells you that the beach in front of his bungalow is his property. Rich people are always scared of losing their ill gotten gains and he will probably think that you are a longanis.
7/ Don't worry about your behaviour in 6/ above as you are only doing your bit to redistribute the wealth of this country and to encourage enterprise; you see, the worried owner of said bungalow will consult another conman like him, otherwise known as a treter, and will spend a fortune on trying to ward off the spell that he thinks your mad, staring eyes have cast on his good fortune.
8/ Return home after enjoying a wonderful day at the seaside at the expense of the politicians foolish enough to think that they can buy your vote and allegiance with a pathetic plate of biryani. You may even cadge a lift home from one of the many buses laid on freely by them.
9/ Sit in front of your computer and email nasty letters of complaint to the three parties who have disrupted a quiet, peaceful day of celebration of the workers' efforts. Tell them that you are disgusted with the amount of noise that they made, the traffic jams that they caused, and the amount of litter, left over biryanis and cheap cakes left on the beach. Hopefully, all their websites will crash from the volume of complaints and we may enjoy a few days of peace and quiet without having to endure their miserable attempts to convince us that they are better than the other lot.
10/ Lie down in a darkened room and pray hard that the Gods these people regularly invoke will shine a bright light on Paradise Island by removing forever all the idiots clamouring to servi nou pei in order to feather their own nests.
R.A.J.
Email: servipei@yahoo.com
Spread The Word
3 Responses to "May Day holiday: Far from the madding crowd." 
|
said this on 21 May 2008 2:40:07 PM MUT
the government should be afraid of the people not vice-versa.
|
Author)|
said this on 30 Apr 2008 2:04:21 PM MUT
"Obeegadoo, the one minister of true distinction in the last government" does not surprise me from R.A.J. Where else on earth would you see people celebrating the competence of people destined to work for the WB or the IMF? With such benchmark no wonder Mauritius will remain a global laggard but an African star and RAJ will be the hero of navel gazers!
|
|
said this on 30 Apr 2008 12:47:17 PM MUT
RAJ
I'll heed to your 10 suggestions. But I really think you are being quite harsh on our national dish, the infamous Briyani!, especially when basmati rice is fast disappearing from shops counter. But then upon reflection, a sinister thought cross my mind: Are we not all the suckers of this world? Dont we all LOVE to HATE these guys. If they were not around, we would waste no time in CREATING them. In short, we get the lunatics we ourselves, are happy to vote in. Concerning the President, depi quand moralite finne faire pour manzer!! Par contre avec ene parti de Rs 47 millions ou meme so linteret, capave encore acheter Basmati pou briani la. Mo pou dans les environs Choisy, si mo trouve toi, mo ava garde un peu Briani pou toi. Pas tracas, pou ena Briani vegetarien aussi. , OK . sa banne Politiciens la, tellement zoote inne servi nou Briani , zotte finne vinne expert dans SERVI nou PEI, comma to dire!! |
